Not sure how it happened..,

on

But I had a bad day. Not in the usual sense of bad shit all happening at once, but in the way that it’s nearly 10pm, i have a boy on my lap who was literally screaming mom in his sleep, and there was nothing I could do. Overall, the day as a whole was just that, a day. I’m not trying to be pessimistic, in fact there were plenty of enjoyable things about my day (got my hair did, drank lots of coffee, got out on the paddle board). It’s just right here, right now, I feel done.

Toast. Fini. Exhausted. Burnt. Done.

I look over my day:

We got out into nature.
I read.
I watched the sunrise.
I drank water (ok, so I mostly chugged water at the end of my day! I was busy)
I moved a little.
I meditated over a cup (or 4) of coffee.

And yet, here I sit awake and depleted. Sure I can argue that it’s all part of the process or that there will just be days like this. And I’m right. It DOES take time to get into a routine of self care. There WILL be worse days than today (I mean reread above, NOT a bad day really). In this moment though, I just feel like my cup is empty. That my poor boy is scared of something that he can’t yet express. And that I am not enough. Ugh, bad moments make okay days feel awful.

Don’t worry, I can already see the light at the end of the tunnel. I may not sleep well tonight, but that isn’t anything different from the last 2 years of sleep, but I can feel already that when I watch the sunrise tomorrow, I’ll feel a little lighter.

Sweet Dreams!

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