Maybe not where you are, but here there is sunshine and bluebonnets!
And with it comes a shedding of any sort, whether it be spring cleaning, shedding of winter layers, or the good old yoga idea of letting go. We haven’t yet started our spring cleaning, but I have been working hard to let some stuff go. More specifically, post partum anxiety!
I mentioned it awhile ago, but with baby number two, I have really been feeling anxious and sort of out of sorts. I’m growing into being a mama of two and that isn’t just double the love. Yes I have a full heart of love for these boys, but there is also splitting of my attention, making sure everyone feels loved/full/ and content, plus my own self care, time, and nurturing. There is a lot of tv time for bug in days he doesn’t have school. There is a lot of baby wearing too, and being called out to “go yoga, mom”. And yes my yoga practice helps me. Meditation does too, the big picture is that I am growing just like these boys I birthed not so long ago.
Growing is tough, it asks you to trust. To know it won’t hurt forever. In the end you’ll be ok. Better than ok. That you will feel like home again. That’s what this pp (post partum) anxiety is to me, this ppd (post partum depression), it’s my growing pains. It’s my buffer from life so that I can figure it out. How to be mama to these amazing souls. How to balance my dreams and motherhood. Who I am right now. Truthful, parts of me will always be the same. Essentially, I’m still the ocean loving, coffee sipping, yoga living, caring soul I have always been, but now as mama in the mix I’m still figuring what I look like and what defines me.
Like my friend’s three year old, I try everything on in the closet and nothing is quite right (or it is me for that moment and then it’s over!) to suit my personality. Which leads me to another gem that is rocking my world:
Simple doesn’t mean easy.
It’s simple to need water and food and shelte, but making that all happen is far from easy. There’s the work, the rent, the shopping, the bill paying, it all takes managing and thought. Simple doesn’t mean easy. So to know I need self care and that I am equally as important as the boys is simple, but how that care is discovered feels far from easy.
So this spring, while I shed what doesn’t serve, I will also be making plenty of space to feel and experience and meer myself as I am today! And probably update my closet too 😉
How will you celebrate spring?
Ps if you have ppd or pp anxiety, tell someone. Reach out, because mama you are too amazing to go alone!!!